take me to the place where i'll be happy always, always always;
i wanna be happy, i wanna be free; i wanna know why i do things for, i wanna have reasons to beam. i wanna bungee jump and scream my guts out i wanna go water rafting, i wanna go water RAFTING. those super crazy water rushing over rocks kind! i wanna play street netball every day. i wanna run and jump; soar with wings, like when the whisle beeps. i'll always remember that feeling. when u leap so high; and you intercept the opponents ball. turnover,
its funny how you find yourself, looking from the outside. i'm standing here but all I want is to be over there
why did I let myself believe; miracles could happen cause now I have to pretend that I don't really care
I thought you were my fairytale my dream when I'm not sleeping a wish upon a star that's coming true but everybody else could tell that I confused my feelings with the truth when there was me and you
i wanna catch yuyu's thunderbolt- powered passes; i wanna challenge myself to sprint like NEVER, be like esther. the best. now CAPTAINOFTEAMSAJCHUH. unclebob. hahah.
i wanna do nothing but all that. i dont wanna grow old; cos i have to worry bout the insignificant. worry bout fear, worry bout/for friends MORE. worry about when we'll ever meet again. yuyu; YUYU. yuyuyuyuyuyu. and the whole team.
i swore I knew the melody ; that I heard you singing and when you smiled, you made me feel like I could sing along ; but then you went and changed the words now my heart is empty. i'm only left with used-to-be's and once upon a song
now I know you're not a fairytale ;and dreams were meant for sleeping and wishes on a star . just don't come true cause now even I can tell that I confused my feelings, with the truth because I liked the view.
When there was me and you
I can't believe that I could be so blind It's like you were floating, while I was falling but I didn't mind
Because I liked the view I thought you felt it too when there was me and you
i wish i could go back to the secondary sch days. days like those ached lesser. when we still had crushes. HAHAHA. crushes. so old school. oh my GOSH. all those crazy unimaginable laughter cos of crushes. LOL. AND someone just dug up ALL my AWFUL secrets lar. some SURPRISE it is.
anyway; gramps has moved , i feel so weird and sad. he went back to my uncles' house. i miss him. this might be the last year i see him. my granpa; turns 97 on 21st august.
80 years older than me. (: i miss him, i miss his opening the door for me, when i go to sch; church, just out. i miss kissing him goodbye and hello, he seems to appreciate such a small, and farmiliar gesture. i would ALWAYS remember him kissing me on my cheek with his UNEVENLY SHAVED face, poking my cheek really badly, it hurts, but NEVER MIND.
i miss seeing him wake up at 5 or 6 am, play his solitare, read the straits times, watch tennis, or anything on tv, thinking its soccer.i miss being so weary of him falling. scratching himself on sharp things, drooping food on the floor. and falling asleep on the couch. i miss preparing dinner at 6 pm for him, and seeing him sleep so soundly on cute bedsheets at 9pm SHARP. grandpa loves ROJAK, curry puff, satay . he ALWAYS asks for that.
i've grown up, grandpa's grown old.
the cycle never changes,
since i was primary 1, when he stayed over; to look after his beloved granddaughter.
the future looks so so uncertain>
10:47 PM
im done
Sunday, July 30, 2006
In his time ; in his tiiiimmmeee.
he makes all things beautiful, in HIS timeeeeeee.
LORD please show me everyday, as you're teaching me your way,
that you do just what you say, in your time.
we -joshdan, me, nana, taught lessons today. been missing people. i was talking to someone last night, and was UBER tired this morn. i mean, someone who hasnt been to church lately. i felt so pained to hear what the person said.
AIYAH. i wished i could do smth. ):
but i aint GOD, - yea,
. anyway, grace said we did a good job today. nana says i should really do what i teach, cos im scarying her by being so so stressed. DAN'S SCARYING ME, cos he's so stressed.
so much for marrrying our spiritual life, with THE secular life.
im beggining to figure out what i wanna study(: im excited mummy's ALRIGHT with me not being the ANDROOEY kinda person. i hope i can get accepted by UNIs! i hope pray real hard, i'll get to a uni by next year!
MAY YOU GO IN PEACE>
3:09 PM
im done
Saturday, July 29, 2006
GRAMPS IS HERE TO STAY (:
im so so happy. he's sitting right beside me, so i asked him 3 times,
" granpa wad would you do if you're mad at someone"
AND HE DOESNT WANNA ANSWER ME.
and then he went on to tell me random things, like how he's seen the world. how he fell down a hill? and weird stuff. and then he said.
" the LORD is the great one, and he knows everything in your heart"
granpa went on to tell me the greatest REAL LOVE story i've heard many times, i admire my granpa. he loves my nan, thou its her 10th death anniversary ready.
maybe i'll put it all behind me, and let God do whatever he plans.
cos granpa says there's much more to the world, then being angry. even if he didnt, i can feel his heart. i miss my nan too ):
11:01 AM
im done
Monday, July 24, 2006
sometimes, the world just leaves you feeling so unappreciated, thou its not true, whatsoever. i dont care. we live in this evil world, and that's what i see.
i see people who dont give no shitte. and i see people who give everything, for nothing. yupp.
i was/am feeling terribly uncertain bout life, and its paths. i was feelin super down, super pissed, super weird. i had this burning sensation, to go to for service, all thru the week maybe even go for 5pm service. and after, let pastorjo pray for me. i simply couldnt wait for sunday.
i wanted all else to fade away, wanted everyone, everything, every problem, every thought to just fade away.
but none of that happen.
-we went up for service late. pastor vincent had alr made the alter call.
i missed it?-
i thought. and was kinda dissappointed cos that' was one main reason i was going to service that day! to be prayed for!
then they started singing a song, which i totally cant remember what it was, cos i was talking to God so fast. i was praying and asking why i had this awful feeling, why why why why why. and then the tears came down, and my bestie, whom FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, WAS NOT DRAG TO SERVICE. she was like, manda can i pray for you? and i nodded, and she said the sweetest, most touching prayer ever. it struck my heart, and made me realised more than ever,
and earnest prayer was all i needed, thankyou nana. i realised this was how God answered my prayer.
you make me wanna cry somemore nana. thankyou forbeing there, when all else was all shitte. superficial, forced/ god knows, and whatnot. thankyou for telling me you appreciate me alot . i'll missyou when im gone.
8:33 PM
im done
Friday, July 21, 2006
for the very good friend; SURPRISE! (: happy happy happy sixteenthhundred birthday! enjoy the gifts, the life, the laughter, the joy,
with your ROCKING horse that doesnt rock, and have no legs?! OH, apparently, u fancy green now, HUH.
(: ummmhmmmm. and with all the LOVE in the world, i hope you'd always be happy!
11:58 PM
im done
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Good-humored, ironic, rock n' roll, and VERY wideHold on tight. Imagine everything above, below, and around you streaming through your eyes and compacting into a nice and compact little ball. Think about your best friend's nose being vacuum-sucked into your lens, all the while their eyes and forehead are s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d back. Visualize yourself bowled over by the devastating colors that only fine glass can deliver. The world's first honest-to-God Fisheye camera is here and waiting to swim into your life. Open your heart, stretch out your hands, and grease up your fins.
my gosh my gosh! i want a lomo camera! ARRRRRRRH. (: crazineess. its ART and beyond! i went to the oldparlimenthouse' cos someone brought me on a RANDOM walk, well they had this AMAZING exhibition of lomo pictorial graphs! amazing is just an understatement!
oh my gosh oh my gosh! aiya): i dunno when will i be able to afford that fisheye.
anyway. brought back the rush of memories, the photo "whoring" hahaha and the snappy snap snap. The joy that behllaku and i had for pretty pictures. i guess that's who really made me serious about the pics i take! yea, thou usually the ones with people very random, but i love captivating pictures. est says she wants to be a professional photograper, i remembered(: well, she's always great and PERFECT in everything she does. sometimes you wonder why others are such, and you're not huh?
i have nothing more to add; certain things just piss me off so badly.
10:02 PM
im done
Saturday, July 15, 2006
i taught my bro how to play a few songs today! such a cool thing! we had loads of fun while i was teaching him! (:
im starting to feel the stress of everything. i just realised today that if and when the examination board wants to, they'd send you your exam date. like ONE week, or TWO weeks before! oh my gosh ): that's such a killer! it makes me worry like MAD. but i do PRAY that my exam's in the end of sept. PLEASE GOD>
and then sch's a pain in my butt. i cant stand it. THE STRESS> the piles of worry and anxiety building up! the lack of time, the STUPID hopeless cant manage time properly brain of mine, THE DEVIL and his temptations, like teevee and com, and phone. and then, there's reports and assignments, and lectures that are getting tougher by the day, and filled with MATHS. ):
aiya.
today, i met nana after piano, then while we were window shopping, there was this man, who rushed up to the salesgirls, and he was like, "hey, commere commere. have you all seen this girl! she was ---------------, and she was last carrying her back with the strap across, like that."
the picture was of this girl, like holiday style, in front of mountains and fields kind, more like a lady. yupp, i thought it was rather sad, i felt sad for him! he was like so worried and anxious and clueless, and ARH. u know it, maybe its becos of all the cop shows that i watch.
I SHALL WATCH CSI one day. everybody talks about it in sch, even the lecturer! well, anyway, it was one of the SHORTEST shopping time ever. we spent like only 1 hr, all the clothes were, LOUYA.
and yet they say that parkway parade is the place to be>
i bought a pair of new heels with mummy, like not long ago, YAY. im really sad to spent money again! not that i really wanna spent it on heels, but cos of presentations, and all the other heels being FAR TO SMALL, that i get a MILLION blisters as a result, ive got big feet. like estherbeh! ahahahahahahahahahhaa. ( i still remember , all of us goes for netball training, she goes for SOCCER! x) ) oh wells, there's ALOT of things i rather spend that sum of money on ):
and SOMEONE'S birthday is cominggggggggggggg. someone who's an environmentalist. who loves plants, trees, soil. and what not.
10:15 PM
im done
Friday, July 14, 2006
maybe my love will come back someday>
8:30 PM
im done
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
ive been fine thank you! i must THANK ANDROOEY (: i think that's such a nice name! and he's really really nice!
actually, the Lord has been REALLY great! on mon, first day of sch, i was feeling like crap. so tired! didnt have the strenght to go through boring lectures. and i was praying and thinking and reading my book on the train, then,
this SNEAKY BOY with geeky specs and a PLASTICBAG full of eclairs, came staring at me! deep in thought, i didnt realised, DUH.
GUESS WHO THE SNEAKY BOY WAS!
GAVIN GAVIN CHEN!
well, he was so sneaky! 3 stations later after observing my frowns and distressed, he then proceeded to entertained me all the way till queenstown, and got me psyched for lessons! yay, thank god for that! gavin looked so ultra how-a-guy-should-look-after-world cup!
and today, well, i was so tired! and i was scared i'd be too bored toconcentrate, then ANDROOEY's msgs kept me laughing to myself! seriously! during chem that is, my chem teacher's like a train man, efficient, admirable, sometimes fast, and well, cool (:
OH WELLS. i had lunch with bengraciepooantonio! meetballs at ikea! ben was hilarious! with his last meat ball flying of his plate, classic i tell you!
and after that, back to sch, for HORRID HORRID MATHS. a maths. RAHHHHH.
robinn the rocker of banana republic's gonna FAINT soon, cos he's gonna help me with calculus and a maths on fri. AHA.
oh wells, I AM SO SO GLAD! for all the people he's provided me with. (: for companion ship, for life!
enjoy it while it lasts, cos good things dont last forever>-faint smile here
11:48 PM
im done
Sunday, July 09, 2006
wo yao li qu bie zai ku qi bu yao shang xin qing ni xiang xing wo yao deng dai wo de ai pei ni yong bu li kai
ying wei hui you na me yi tian, wo men qian zhe shou zai chao yuan ting niao er ge chang de sheng ying ni hui shuo shen wo ai ni
its quite dumb that i write chinese, kinda eeky too. but its too nice ready. sometimes you dont know why, but you're just filled with overwhelming sadness. if this comes with age, i dont wanna grow old!
really. if age brings sadness, if age brings departure, our parents should cultivate in us the joy of goodbye. on the way home yest, selene accidently told me something that send my heart crashing into a million and ten pieces.
god gave me this passage, in john verse 16. the only comforting thingg so far. where the disciple's grief WOULD BE turned into joy.
yea, so much confusion, so much problems, time and time agian, killer vicious cycles. GOD, i put my trust in you OKAY?):
thankyou graciepoo for your prayer and thoughts and everythingg else..
ying wei hui you na me yi tian wo men qian zhe shou zai chao yuan ->
3:15 PM
im done
Saturday, July 08, 2006
(:
im listening to jj's hui you na me yi tian. SO AWESOME LAR. (: the one that yuyu has no cares whatsoever about. while i was searching for this song, she was ENTERTAINING HERSELF, with this, and i meant REALLY entertaining, she even noticed the way they dribbled, who scored, and how great this little green kiddos were.
she's weird lar! she thinks the ULTIMATE CLASSIC boyzone's -love me for a reason; sounds like our national anthem. LOUSY POO, YOU!
she thinks beauty and the beast is awesome, and still wants to know wad my favorite fairytale was/is, till this day! (when we were in sec 2 i think? i told her 3 little pigs! (: )
i love my YUYU. i think ive given her a million names during our WHOLE sch life together! timon and pumbaa. HA. poooty puncess. BOBBY KOIL. TAN YUYU. yushu! i cant imagine anyone else who can live with a million names other than her own! she's never glared at one name i called her! yes you, my absoultely fatabulous ASS.
i think she looks like magikapp and she thinks i look like bulbasaur. HOW TYPICAL. we have matching socks, and i still have out tableCLOTH. with our half time table on it. i love doing silly things with her, and calling her an ass, cos she does DUMB things. LIKE ME (:
I LOVE YOU TAN YUYU. ITS BEEN TEN YEARS ALREADY! (: i hope with sch and all, the schedules, the crazy present, the new friends, the old life, i hope we'll be friends forever and ever! i'll never wanna let you go, cos, I LOVE YOU! (: whether we wear crappy clothes, or HOLEY ones(YOUR SHIRTS ALWAYS SO HOLEY), HAHAHA.! i wish we had more pics of when we were P1!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY :DDDD ; not.
pp P S : we already almost got ourselves burnt when we were FORCED to play with fire by MOE, ): ARHH. life with my chem partner is AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME! how i miss it dearly ):
12:20 AM
im done
Friday, July 07, 2006
i went for piano yesterday, and after, spent my day at the pox-stricken yuyu's house. (: though she had so little pox, and it wasnt itchy at all. i'll upload the crazy pictures we took SOON. but if there's one thing you must know about yuyu, THIS CAN BE FOUND ON YUYU'S BEDROOM WALL! :xxxxx
hahahhahaha. laugh till you drop dead. JERRY YAN. (: he's so ---------
and that thing on his hair, its not a percentage sign, neither is it bird shit or lizard shit YEA? this is and up close view of it. F4 never dies man. HAHAHA. i sound stupid. (:
someday you guys should check out my room too :DDD
10:13 AM
im done
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
petrina has flown away already! ): i hope you have a blast girl! STAY SAFE OKAY and strong too yea!! (:
my mum's really funny, its been an enjoyable week for me, mainly cos i didnt expect to have 2 weeks BREAK (: and my mom's on MEDICAL leave, cos she fell on her right arm, and kinda had an injury to her ligament or tendon, OR something like that. that's why i havent been able to leave the house this week, YUPP.
that's why i didnt go to the airport petrina! but im glad i gave you a bigg hug in church (:
yea, ive been spending alot of time with my mom, and its great! we've even watched the ENTIRED meteor garden again. HAHAHAHA. awesome awesome show lar!
anyway, ive always had this thought, after i studied evolution, like if evolution REALLY existed, and its proven, where does GOD come in, GOD and EVOLUTION, dont go together at all. naaa-ahhh. but GOD exists, and we all know that satan does too.
and see if those evolutionists didnt believe in God, that would mean that they would'nt believe in life after death. there would be neither heaven nor hell. neither GOD, nor satan. humans happen to just evolved from apes or slime, or what not. and if that makes that, then there SHOULDNT be any ghosts or ghostesses either! like DUH, where would they be placed on the phylogeny tree HUH?
so yea. why do they kinda contradict their believes, by not doubting there's lucifer, the devil, why do they not insists there's no ghosts and BLAH BLAH BLAH. this is too crazy for me.i think sometims, man just wanna act so brainy and play GOD or something.
i think i should prolly just start and complete the book jackiepoo gave me, the case for a creator, lee strobel. and then i'll talk more sense.
(:
white-coated scientists of the modern world had trumped the black-robed priests of medival times?
