Thursday, August 17, 2006
have you read robin's blog? it feels so sad, the last line of it all. like its stamp with finality, and the confirmation that robin's really gone. seems so quiet. im not used to YOU being serious! you're always being a monkey, monkeying me. yes .even like your last hour in changi aiport also gotta say i stink!
anthony was saying this morn, after sending robin off, at breakfast. at how everyone would HAVE to move on, and when you come back, the world wouldnt quite ever be the same again. anthony said how much it would really hurt to see your friends go, but then, ..... ):
i dont really know these things. just that i know friendships really need effort to keep them going.
honestly, ive never really had anyone i was quite close to, who left for better seas. even amanda (yong) , i never really knew her well, cos when our cg was getting close, she left. she left the day i was going to spain. i still rmb i really wanted to see her off but my mom was ULTRA pissed. saying i dont appreciate my family and all, and only cared bout my friends.
its true i used to hate staying at home. i've never loved staying at home and doing nothing, unless i had gone out EVERY SINGLE day till night-fell for 2 consecutive weeks or so, then yea, i'll stay at home for one week, to watch my korean dramas. or just teevee. and i never understood how people could ever ever feel homesick from camps. or just being apart from home. they cry when they leave their house for days. i cry when i leave the camp, cos i have to go home. i bet i spend at least a month away every year at all the sch camps. and what not.
i still rmb. after ONE CAMP, although i was so sick from staying up the whole night, i planned to meet my grp mates after we broke camp and have gone home to put down our stuff. and then after like midnight, go for netball chalet where i'll have to 'taunt' another night. (: but i didnt, in the end, cos i had fever, and my mom ranted, and my camp mates (as usual) were all konked out.
ANYWAY, reading his blog and thinking alot, has made me realised that leaving spore isnt as easy or peasy as ive ever imagined. even if i were to apply and get to australia, i'll really die. i mean, i'll miss my mom. i love my mom. she's suffered like mad for me! ive been such-an awful princessy daughter that even if my friends come with weird requests, she's all prepared for anything. just like last night, when everybody (not just ONE body) came at weird timings, my mom still entertained them, when she had to get up at 5, to slought her guts out.
you know, ive never ever ironed the clothes for her, wash or hung the clothes for her. never washed the WHOLE family's dishes, ive never made my own bed, like really, pull on the covers. when i had my midterms, my mom fell on her hand, and tore her right ligament and cracked her elbow. i was so stressed with sch, was so irritating, and she still loved me, and cleaned the whole house with her injured hand.
i used to laugh at the way nana's so whiny with her mother, at how much she cant live without her mom, i never knew it was the same for me too. ARGH. i love my family lar. its a shame it took me 17 years and 6 mths to actually realised that thou its crystal clear!
wad's gotten me so emo and everything, was when nana was like, " manda i'll cry if u're going."
my nana. ive kinda taken our friendship as per norm. like i'll really really miss her. she's my best friend, she was my best friend, IS my best friend. no matter how much we've changed and how much we've grown apart, i still love her, and when the world and everything else falls apart, i'll still see ourselves when we were like younger.
SIGH. and then there's everyother friend that matter so much, so significantly. collleeen the beenqueen for one, daniellle lambera, and the list goes on and on and on. to those i really matter to, and those that really matter to me. (yuyu esthootbehhlakku. SO ON,)
as daddy says, he doesnt know how i'll do my own laundry, who'll wake me up, cos its just really tough waking me up (the bed must be REALLY COMFY THOU) yea. daddy says i'll prolly starve and save all my money, to go __________. hahahahahah.
i dunno lar. but it's more or less planned this way. wait till october. i pray God takes care of every thing. cos i have no idea what i want. or wad's best for me.
i guess God places things in your way for many reasons. bountiful, countless, amazing, god-planned.
friends forever ; if you believe in ever, then make ever ever, cos if you never ever,
then i'll friendship wont be FORever.
gotit?
4 more weeks to endterms, 12 days to piano exam.
someone just shoot me please>
